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Are you considering a mixed marriage?

A mixed marriage is when two people from different religious traditions or faiths marry.  If you are considering marrying someone who has been raised in a different faith tradition, whatever that might be, you should know that this may be a source of pain both for you and your spouse, but also for your families.

Here are some potential problems you will face.  We ask you to examine these questions and discuss your opinions and feelings concerning these issues honestly and openly with your spouse-to-be.

• Whose church will you worship in?

• together in one of your churches
• each in his / her own church
• together in each other's churches

• How much do you know about your partner's religious tradition?
   
• Have you dealt with your parents' fears and concerns?
   
• Into which Christian tradition will your children be baptized?

• Into which Christian tradition will your child be introduced? How will they participate in the other sacraments such as confirmation and communion?
   
• Who will be responsible for the religious education of your children? Hopefully both of you will.

If you don't begin early giving your children a depth of religion, you'll end up with children with no religious identity. Parents who don't lay a religious foundation for their children are making it easy on themselves, not their children.

(Fr. Dohrman Byers, Catholic Update, June 1990)

What is an Interchurch family?

An interchurch family is a particular kind of mixed marriage, which:

• joins in marriage two baptized Christians from different traditions,
• each spouse participates actively in her or his particular church, and to various degrees in one another's church, and
• each spouse takes an active, conscientious role in the religious education of his or her children

(from the book Double Belonging by George Kilcourse)

You live in your marriage the hopes and difficulties of the path to Christian unity. Express that hope in prayer together, in the unity of love.

(Pope John Paul II, 1982)

Here are some points for success:

• Discuss these questions honestly.
• Be respectful of each other's honesty
• Get to know and respect your spouse's faith.
• Don't let the nonessentials get in the way.
• Find a worship pattern that fits your faith and your family.
• Take the religious education of your children seriously.
• Pray together as a couple and as a family.
• Dont be afraid to ask for help. Contact your pastor, local marriage counsellors, and other couples with similar experiences.
• Don't stop talking to each other.
• Remember the bottom line is communication. Each of you has to realize that your spouse's faith is as important to him or her as yours is to you.

We, as interchurch families and couples, are here to listen to your fears and concerns. We are willing to share with you honestly how we have struggled with these difficulties in our marriages and families and how we continue to work daily to deal with the new problems each day brings.

We believe that our marriages are not problems, but rather challenges that deepen our faith. What might look like obstacles can actually lead us to real growth in this exciting journey of love together.

Call us. We look forward to meeting with you; having a cup of coffee and sharing our faith stories with you.

This page was jointly prepared by: Interchurch Families - Saskatoon & the Prairie Centre for Ecumenism.